


Aléjate de mi

by setaxis



Category: GOT7
Genre: ALL THE ANGST, Anger, Angst, M/M, Past Abuse, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 21:35:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5431631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/setaxis/pseuds/setaxis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaebum has tried so hard to keep Jinyoung from finding out he's bi, from finding out that there's a possibility he could love him back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aléjate de mi

**Author's Note:**

> the title and the titles of the chapters are taken from the song "alejate de mi" by camila (although my favourite version is by india martinez) 
> 
> I will update warnings as and when they apply. this was meant to be a fic about blow jobs what is wrong with me
> 
> un beta'd

Jaebum can feel the ghost of Jinyoung's fingers pressing down on his skin. They wrap around his neck and thread through his hair. They grip his jaw and force him to be still and by god, Jaebum _wants_.

He wants Jingyoung's hands on him again.

It would be a lie to say he hasn't thought about Jinyoung before now. Hell, after the video airs he watches Jinyoung swallow down that treat like his gag reflex is non-existent and then he gets off on it in the shower. Twice. Even thinking it makes the tips of his ears grow hot and his dick throb in his pants.

But Jinyoung's _hands_. They are what keeps haunting him, teasing him, pressing down on him even when he should be thinking of other things, like the fact he has a band to lead.

Not how much he wants Jinyoung to hold him still as he feeds Jaebum his cock. 

Before this he never would have considered it. Blow jobs yes, he enjoys giving them, but everything - even in his fantasies - is always on _his_ terms. Never once has he thought that letting someone else take the lead would be something that he wanted. 

Jinyoung knows that something is up, of course. He wasn't lying when he said that Jinyoung knows him best and unfortunately that means that hiding things from him is almost impossible, no matter how hard Jaebum tries. He's managed to keep how much he finds Jinyoung attractive a secret only because he hasn't told Jinyoung he's bi yet and Jinyoung is surprisingly blinkered when it comes to Jaebum showing an interest in men. Jaebum isn't quite sure what to make of that, honestly, that Jinyoung is so perceptive when it comes to everything else and yet seemingly ignores Jaebum checking out guys. For now though he'll count his blessings and be glad of Jinyoung's blind spot.

He is cornered in the kitchen a week after Sukira. Jinyoung doesn't say it, but he has a determined look in his eyes and a bottle of soju in his hand that means Jaebum is going to have a heart to heart, whether he likes it or not.

"Soju? It's only four in the afternoon Jinyoungie, do I have to be worried about you?" He blusters.

Jinyoung punches him in the arm for that. "If anyone has a right to be worried here it's me, you arse."

He promptly spins on his heel and walks back to the living room, clearly expecting Jaebum to follow him. Jaebum does. Jinyoung is stubborn, just as stubborn as Jaebum is, and he knows when it's worth fighting him and when it's worth giving in. Now is not the time to fight.

(Mostly, he'll admit, because the sight of Jinyoung all self-righteous and angry might be too much for him to handle in his delicate state. Popping a boner in their living room is not high on his to-do list.)

Flopping down on the sofa next to Jinyoung he notices that some artsy film has been paused on the screen. There's a blanket strewn across the couch and more pillows than usual, probably stolen from Jinyoung's bed. He keeps buying them to 'make his bed look presentable' whatever that means. 

"It's that weird film you kept going on about wanting to see." Jinyoung says, unpausing it. 

"You remember that?" Jaebum asks, surpised.

"You were talking about it for weeks." Is Jinyoung's reply. He takes the lid off the soju and takes a swig, then passes the bottle to Jaebum who does the same. It burns pleasantly down his throat. 

They watch the film mostly in silence. After a while both of them have huddled under the blankets and their thighs are pressed together. It's warm. Jinyoung is everywhere - the pillows smell like him and the blankets and then there's Jinyoung himself, not three inches away - and it's making Jaebum's head spin. On second thoughts, maybe that's the soju. They've almost finished the bottle.

The end credits roll. Jinyoung gets up to take it out and put it back in his case, swaying slightly as he does so. He's always been a bit of a lightweight. Jaebum shouldn't be staring, he really shouldn't, but Jinyoung's profile in the light of the television is just so _pretty_ and he can't look away.

"Where're the others?" He asks as a distraction. He hadn't thought about them until now, to his shame, so wrapped up in everything else.

"Yugyeom, Youngjae and Bambam went to the cinema, and Jackson went to visit a friend and took Mark with, despite his protests." Jinyoung smiles fondly at him. "Do you feel better now?"

Jaebum swallows. He does feel better in a way. He feels calmer than he has in a long while. This afternoon of quiet and peace has given him time to recharge, something he wasn't even aware that he needed. But the look Jinyoung is giving him makes his chest burn and he's acutely aware they're alone in the flat and they're both pretty drunk. 

"Yeah." He says finally. "I think I do."

Jinyoung sits back next to him on the couch and squeezes his thigh. "You want to tell me what was bothering you?"

Jaebum flinches. He doesn't mean to. Jinyoung pulls his hand back with a look of intense concentration.

"Ah, so it was that." Jinyoung murmurs.

"Jinyoung-" He starts, but Jinyoung interrupts him before he can say anything.

"You've been weird since Sukira." It's a statement of fact, not an accusation.

"Yes." Jaebum admits.

It's then that the hurt flashes across Jinyoung's face. He draws back from Jaebum, not a huge gesture but one Jaebum recognises well as Jinyoung drawing back into himself.

"You said you were okay with it." His eyes are soft and pained. They cut deep into Jaebum. This isn't what he wanted this isn't-

"And I _was_ okay with it, I _am_ okay with it!" He stresses. He tries to take Jinyoung's hand in his own but Jinyoung pulls away as if he's been burnt.

"You said me being gay didn't change things." 

"It _doesn't_!" Jaebum cries. 

Jinyoung stands up abruptly, no doubt to go back to his room because confrontation is not Jinyoung's style. Conversation he can do, arguing is not his cup of tea.

Too bad for Jinyoung Jaebum isn't prepared to let this go. He grabs Jinyoung by the wrist to keep him from leaving, pulling him in close until Jinyoung's arm is pressed against his chest.

"I told you, I don't care that you're gay." He repeats, as slowly and calmly as he can right now. 

Jinyoung glances down at where Jaebum's gripping his wrist and then up at Jaebum's face. He doesn't look scared. He looks like he's calculating something, the distance between them or what Jaebum means or how to make him let go. It could be anything. 

"Do you really not care?" Jinyoung breathes. His voice is low and the words tumble over Jaebum's lips with physical force. He takes a sharp intake of breath.

Jinyoung's eyes cloud over. Jaebum's blown it.

"Jinyoung-"

"Don't you 'Jinyoung' me." Jinyoung spits. He jabs his finger hard into Jaebum's chest. "You _lied_ to me." Another jab. "I wouldn't have even fucking minded if you _did_ care. But you said you didn't!" And another. "I even dared to allow myself to hope-"

He stops mid-sentence, eyes widening like he's just realised what he's said. The silence stretches between them, long and heavy. Jaebum wants to say something, anything, but the words die in his throat.

"Let go of me." Jinyoung orders. Jaebum realises he's still holding Jinyoung's wrist. The pulse jumps under his fingertips.

He lets go. Jinyoung pulls slowly away and turns away from Jaebum. He's looking down at the floor like it's the most interesting thing he's seen in his life and Jaebum is lost. He doesn't know what just happened. One minute Jinyoung is trying to make him feel better, then he's throwing accusations at him, and now he's walking away, his back ramrod straight, like the only thing keeping him up is his poise. 

He's disgusted with himself that despite how shit he feels for making Jinyoung upset, the sound of Jinyoung ordering to let him go and the jab of Jinyoung's fingers into his chest reverberate through his mind. He's half hard. _Fuck_.

xxx

He goes to the gym, too guilt-ridden to wank to the image of one of his best friends when no doubt that friend is currently crying their eyes out because of him. He's an arsehole, but not that much of an arsehole. 

It's hours before he feels calm enough to head back to their flat. He hadn't planned this trip so has to go the whole way back in his sweaty, stale-smelling clothes. The few other people on the subway at this time of night do not look amused in the slightest.

When he opens the door he's greeted by Jackson throwing himself at him and babbling faster than he's ever heard Jackson speak.

"What." He spits out harshly.

"I didn't mean to tell him, dude. I promise." Jackson's eyes are wide and scared.

"Tell him what? Tell who what?"

"Okay, so I might have been trying to cheer Jinyoung up 'cause he was upset and he snapped at Mark so I thought I'd have a go and I might haveletslipthatyou'rebi."

Jaebum feels the blood drain from his face. "You did _what_?"

"Dude, I'm sorry I swear. I thought you'd told him already I honestly did. I never would have brought it up if I didn't-"

"Where is he."

"Jaebum..."

"Where the fuck is he Jackson?" Jaebum shouts.

"I don't know. He said he was going out and he didn't take his phone with him. I've called everyone I can think of and they said he's not there and I'm just- I'm sorry."

"Stay here. Make sure nobody else wanders off." 

Jaebum is pretty sure he knows where Jinyoung has gone. Even though Jackson said that he's called everyone he's certain Jackson hasn't called this person and if Jaebum is right then if he finds Hyunwoo then he'll find Jinyoung too. 

He picks up the phone. He isn't sure Hyunwoo still has the same number anymore - it's been nearly four years, after all - but surprisingly someone picks up on the third ring.

"Hello?" Comes the voice on the other end of the line.

"Hyunwoo-hyung." Jaaebum says. "It's Jaebum. Is he with you?"

"Ah, Jaebum." Hyunwoo replies slowly, as if he's testing the words out in his mouth. "He's said to tell you he isn't."

In the background Jaebum can hear a disgruntled 'hyung!' against the silence.

"Where are you?"

The line grows silent. He can tell that Hyunwoo is waiting for Jinyoung to give his permisson to disclose their location but Jaebum knows Jinyoung isn't going to give it. 

"Hyung, he doesn't want to be found. I know that. But I need to talk to him and he needs to come home."

A sigh. "Our old hang-out." Then the line goes dead. Jaebum stares at it in dismay - is that all he's going to get? He didn't hang out with Jinyoung and Hyunwoo so much back then, preferring the company of some of the back-up dancers or his old school friends in his spare time rather than people he's forced to see for hours each day. Honestly, there's only one place that comes to mind so if they aren't there then Jaebum is screwed. He quickly fires off a text to Jackson to let him know he's got a lead and then he flags down the nearest taxi. There's no time to waste.

xxx

By the time Jaebum arrives at the small hill that overlooks the river he is feeling even more disgusting than before. His sweat has dried and is itchy. He's sure he smells to high heaven. This is not exactly how he wants to meet his hyung again, aside from their pretty scripted encounter for that program Hyunwoo was on, but the thought of Jinyoung spurs him on.

"Park Jinyoung!" He bellows, "You'd better be here!"

No reply. His heart sinks. Disheartened, he falls backwards on the knoll, arms crossed over his eyes. He doesn't understand how this day has gone so horribly wrong from start to finish.

There's a sharp pain in his leg. Like he's been kicked. 

"The fuck?" He sits up sharply, ready to yell at whoever it is that thinks he's easy pickings. Except staring back at him are Jinyoung's wide and apprehensive eyes.

"Hi, Jaebum." Hyunwoo steps out from behind Jinyoung and waves awkwardly. "I wasn't sure you'd remember."

Jaebum shrugs. His eyes flicker back to Jinyoung. He's staring at the ground by Jaebum's foot like it's got equations written all over it and he's been asked to solve them - but he'll die if he gets it wrong. 

"Jinyoung, let's go home."

"No. You wanted to talk so let's talk." Jinyoung replies stubbornly.

Jaebum hesitates. This isn't the best place - it may be some godforsaken time of night and this may not be the part of the river anyone wants to come to, but that doesn't mean he's comfortable talking in the open air. 

"Let's talk back at mine." Hyungwoo says, pulling Jinyoung away by his sleeve. "The others have gone out for the night so you won't be overheard."

For a second Jaebum thinks Jinyoung won't agree. He's stubborn as all fuck and once he's got his mind set on something it's almost impossible to change it. Then Jinyoung nods and allows Hyunwoo to lead him away from the river to find a cab, not looking over his shoulder once to see if Jaebum is following them. He is, even if he had to scramble up to his feet and practically jog up to them to catch up. He would follow Jinyoung anywhere.

xxx

As soon as they arrive at Hyunwoo's place he's pushed in the direction of the shower. He protests, but Hyunwoo levels him with a look.

"Jaebum, you stink. Jinyoung can wait ten minutes." He shoves a slightly worn towel into Jaebum's hands and promises he'll put some of his clothes out for Jaebum to change into. Jaebum is grateful. He'd rather not being having the conversation at all, but seeing as it seems to be an inevitability, he'd rather not smell like he just died while doing it.

The flat is small, just like theirs, way too small for seven men to live comfortably on top of each other. There's clothes strewn about and empty snack packets littering the floor. All in all, it feels like another home.

He wonders if after this conversation is done they'll keep in contact with Hyunwoo. Jaebum would like to. He wanted to after Hyunwoo left but he was too young and stupid and hurt to suck up his pride and message first, to tell his hyung he missed him like Jinyoung clearly had, and kept in touch. 

The water spraying down on his back is cold at first and he shivers. Maybe this isn't the best time to think about what could have been with Hyunwoo, not when he's on the edge of losing everything with Jinyoung. One thing at a time, Im Jaebum. 

Resolving not to think until he's clean and dry he sets about showering in record speed. He has no idea which toiletries are up for grabs so he just chooses the ones that look the fullest and least likely to be missed.

When he gets out of the shower sitting on the toilet are the clothes Hyunwoo promised him. They look about his size, if not a little big, and when he picks them up they feel comfortably worn and soft. They smell exactly like Jaebum remembers Hyunwoo did. Hurriedly Jaebum pulls them on and makes his way to the living room, because even though Jinyoung has Hyunwoo to keep him distracted he won't be pacified for long.

Sure enough, as soon as he enters the living room Jinyoung glares at him. He's curled up against Hyunwoo's side and shows no signs of moving. Jaebum sighs. They've already inconvenienced Hyunwoo enough - from stopping him going out with his band mates tonight to dragging him halfway across Seoul to basically taking over his living room - and it isn't fair to make him have to play referee now.

As if he can read Jaebum's mind Hyunwoo stands up, shifting Jinyoung off him like he weighs nothing (really not true, Jaebum can attest to this), and makes his way down the hall.

"I'll leave you to it!" He calls over his shoulder, ignoring the pleading look Jinyoung shoots after him.

"I'm sorry." Jaebum says. "I didn't want you to find out like that."

Jinyoung snorts. "So you were going to tell me yourself, were you? Before or after doomsday?"

"After you got married, probably." Jaebum replies tiredly. 

He's too tired to lie anymore, too tired to be anything less than brutal. What's that saying? You have to be cruel to be kind... Well, Jaebum tried to spare Jinyoung's feelings and that's gotten him nowhere, so maybe now really is the time for cruelty. 

"This isn't the time for jokes, Jaebum." Jinyoung warns. "I'm really not in the mood."

Jaebum wants to make some snarky remark about Jinyoung's 'moods' but he keeps his mouth shut. He doesn't want this to escalate into a slanging match - not with Hyunwoo in the next room. He takes a deep breath in.

"I'm serious." He says, looking Jinyoung dead in the eyes.

He opens himself to Jinyoung's scrutiny then, letting Jinyoung's eyes rake over him to find all his lies. There are none. Not this time. Jinyoung's expression morphs from one of hostility to confusion.

"Why?"

"Because I've seen how deeply and easily you fall in love."

The words fall between them like pins, waiting for one or both of them to step on them. Jinyoung takes a sharp intake of breath. 

"That's cruel." He accuses.

Jaebum nods. It is. Jinyoung's heart is not something he can help, but neither is Jaebum's.

"I'm your type." Jaebum says carefully, placing the next nail in the coffin. 

"So you didn't want me to fall in love with you, is that it?" Jinyoung's eyes sparkle with tears. His voice shakes with rage and pain and shame - Jaebum knows this because he knows _Jinyoung_ inside and out though in this moment he wishes he didn't. "Am I so disgusting that you can't even bear the thought of me loving you?"

A choice. Should Jaebum say yes, and break their friendship forever - but also making sure Jinyouung stays _safe_ and _away_ \- or should he tell the truth, say no, and keep Jinyoung for a little while longer?

In the end he can't bear the thought of Jinyoung thinking he's unlovable. He's seen the standards Jinyoung holds himself to, the endless comparisons he makes between himself and other people - other members of their band, other trainees, other celebrities. He can't stand to make that worse. 

"You're not disgusting."

It's Jaebum who's disgusting. Disgusting and selfish and dangerous.

"Then _why?_ " Jinyoung cries. "What possible reason could you have?"

Here Jaebum faces another choice, another fine line to be trod. Here there is the very real possibility that he will draw Jinyoung closer rather than keeping him away because Jinyoung is nothing if not sensitive, be it to others' pain or his own.

"It wouldn't end well." He says carefully. "We work together, for a start."

"Of course." Jinyoung bites back. "We work together. What a great excuse, Jaebummie. That's a reason not to be with me, not for you hating the idea of me being in love with you. You're _apparently_ bi, so we've ruled out homophobia. So what is it?"

"It wouldn't end well." Jaebum repeats, teeth gritted. He should have known Jinyoung wouldn't take this easily. 

"So you've said." 

"It's _true_." Jaebum snaps. "So just drop it, will you?"

"I don't think I will." 

Jinyoung gets up off the couch, every movement sleek and deliberate and dangerous. Jinyoung is hurt and Jinyoung is pissed and any hope of there being reasonable discussion has just gone out the window. 

"For fuck's sake, Jinyoung! Why do you have to take everything personally?" Jaebum spits out angrily. He wishes Jinyoung would listen to him. This all could have been easy if Jinyoung would just _listen to him_. "Why can't you just accept this and move on?"

"It's pretty fuckin' personal, ain't it? I don't see you havin' a problem with anyone else being in love with you - wouldn't care if it was Jackson would you?" Jinyoung retorts icily.

Jaebum stares at him in disbelief. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Is that it? You already in love with him?"

"No!"

Jinyoung's smile is feral. "He knew you were bi before me. How'd he know that? From first hand experience? What a _slut_ , fuckin' you when he's already got a boyfriend."

"Don't talk about Jackson like that." Jaebum warns him. He can feel the anger bubbling under the surface, searing and mean. "Say what you like about me but keep Jackson out of this."

"Sure you ain't in love with him?" Jinyoung says pointedly. 

"Jackson is my friend, Jinyoung and he's yours too! So don't talk shit about him when it's me you're angry at!" He doesn't mean to yell, but his voice echoes round the same living room and makes him wince. He hopes Hyunwoo didn't hear that from down the hall. 

"You're pissin' me off, hyung." Jinyoung moves closer. Jaebum moves back, trying to maintain the distance between them. 

"Don't start." 

"Don't tell me who to love then." 

"Step back." Jaebum says, hemmed in against the wall and Jinyoung. Everything is so intense with Jinyoung so close and it's making his head spin. Everything is too much.

"Why can't I love you?" Jinyoung presses.

Jaebum grips Jinyoung's shoulder in an attempt to push him away but Jinyoung won't budge. Jaebum forgets they're the same height, the same weight. He forgets than Jinyoung is just as strong as he is if not stronger, and he cannot move him. Panic starts to claw up his throat. 

" _Step back!_ " Jaebum cries desperately. He bunches his fists in Jinyoung's shirt because if he doesn't he's scared they might start flying. He doesn't want to hurt Jinyoung, he never wanted to hurt Jinyoung but he's so _close_ and he won't let Jaebum go and _Jaebum needs him to let go_ -

"Jinyoung." Hyunwoo's voice cuts through the living room. "Let him go."

For a second Jinyoung looks like he won't comply. His eyes are hard like they were back in their JJProject days, back when Jinyoung had tried so hard to fight against Jaebum and his hyung status. But then Jaebum is released and there's space for him to breathe again. 

_Why do you listen to him and not me?_ Jaebum thinks. _I'm your hyung too, aren't I?_

"I'm going home." Jinyoung says. He sounds tired all of a sudden. There's a weariness in his eyes that wasn't there before, as if all the fight has left him in one fell swoop and all that's left is the pain Jaebum inflicted.

"Jinyoung-"

"Don't." Jinyoung snaps, halfway to the door already. "Don't, Jaebum-hyung. I just- I'll see you at home." 

The door closes behind him with barely a slam. It feels anticlimactic somehow, that it should be so quietly. Jaebum feels empty.

"You're welcome to stay." Hyunwoo tells him. His voice is soft and concerned. 

"We've imposed on you enough already..." Jaebum says, thinking about how much of the argument Hyunwoo must have heard and wincing. He shouldn't have had to deal with that.

"Jaebum." 

"Yes hyung?" 

"Stay here." Hyunwoo orders. "Rest, gather your thoughts. Go back in the morning when he's had some time to cool off."

Jaebum opens his mouth to protest - don't they say never go to bed angry? - but Hyunwoo cuts him off.

"There's no point trying to reason with him now, and you know it. You both may have grown up but you haven't changed that much." Hyunwoo grins. "I'm kinda glad about that actually."

Unbidden, tears spring to Jaebum's eyes. He honestly hadn't realised how much he'd missed Hyunwoo in the years he was gone, too busy trying to prove to himself that they were good enough without him, but now it hits him all at once like a tsunami. 

Then there's a strong pair of arms wrapped around him and hair tickling at the side of his face. Jaebum feels warm and loved and _safe_ , just like he always has in Hyunwoo's company. Cautiously he places his arms around Hyunwoo and completes the embrace. It feels good.

They stay like that for a while, not saying anything and not moving apart from Hyunwoo's hand gently tracing circles up and down Jaebum's back. 

"Hyung, I think I really fucked up this time." Jaebum confesses softly.

A hand runs through Jaebum's hair, bristly and damaged by all the dye that's been put in it. 

"It'll be okay, Jaebummie. You'll see."

Jaebum hopes that Hyunwoo is right.


End file.
